Vivahaaa struck first through Rob, whose composed finish suggested class is indeed permanent. Max quickly levelled before Frankie restored the lead with a tidy finish. Vijay, proving Timberlands are apparently elite football footwear, thundered home the goal of the game to make it 2-2.

When Otto smashed Vivahaaa back in front, the game looked won—until Max popped up again to complete his brace and rescue a draw for the Caprichinos.

The match featured two official rehydration breaks, both of which coincided perfectly with Vijay's scheduled fag breaks. Sports science has yet to comment.

One football was also officially declared missing in action after Otto launched one over the perimeter fence. Local aviation authorities have been informed.

There was the obligatory handbags between Rich and Deon, with pushing, pointing and theatrical indignation all making appearances before everyone remembered they had work on Monday.

The Opta statisticians also confirmed that Mr D. Headey completed the full match without registering a goal, assist or any meaningful attacking contribution. Much like VAR, he was present… but rarely influential.

Honours even. Bragging rights postponed until the return fixture.